Apr. 14th, 2014

jmfargo: (me)
There are many ways to start over.

You can do what I did: Walk away from everything, begin fresh, leaving everything behind that you don't want in your life and gathering new influences. This, I think, should be only the most desperate and final of moves, however, as you are essentially killing off yourself so that you can emerge anew.

You can do what I'm doing: Take a bad thing and turn it into a good thing.

I just had to have surgery for a hernia. The past month or two I've been pretty much a waste of space, having only enough energy to keep the 20 month old toddler alive and the house standing. I've been in pain; every move an exercise in not wincing or showing off how much it really hurt.

And now that hernia's been cut out. The only pain is the incision from the surgery itself.

While I was in pain I walked away from the things that were too hard; the exercise fell to the wayside, the cleaning of the house became a "nice thing" rather than a "goal." I turned off my HabitRPG account that held me accountable every day for the things I said that I would do.

But I did all of this knowing that I could rebuild, once the surgery was over.

And it's over.

Now is the time to reevaluate who I want to be and who I want to become. What's important to me? What's important to the other people in my life, the people I care about? What's feasible?

Especially that; what's feasible?

Because it's easy for me to say that I'm going to launch back into the fitness routine I had started a few months ago. Crunches and push-ups daily, with jumping jacks and running in place. I'd be lying my ass off if I said it though; there's no way this cut in my gut would allow me to handle any of that.

I have to move slowly to put myself back together. I hate moving slowly, even when it's the only way that works.

First, I turn my HabitRPG account back on. I gather a few daily to dos that I can do, like cleaning the living room and keeping the dishes clean. I read books more, write some reviews that I didn't have energy to write before, when I was hurting. It's amazing how pain clouds the mind as much as how much it just hurts the body.

Slowly I'm coming back together.

Ever so slowly.




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