Wait. What?

Jan. 9th, 2009 08:50 am
jmfargo: (Default)
The last thing he said before hanging up was "Well, there go the curtains."

I used to work for Sony TiVo tech support. It was a good job, and not only did it pay the bills, it also gave me stories that will last me the rest of my life. One or two are fairly unique, and the rest are like any other tech story you've probably ever heard. If you've actually been in tech support, you may have heard my favorite story; it's become legend.

The call came in at around dinner. I picked up the phone and gave me normal introductory spiel, "Thank you for calling Sony tech support, my name is Jeremiah, may I have your name and telephone number?"

The man calmly gave me his number, his name, and all the general information that we needed before we were able to start diagnosing the problem. He told me his TiVo wasn't working, that he couldn't get it on his screen.

"No problem, sir!"

For the next ten minutes we went through basic diagnosis features. Unplug it, plug it back in, check the wires, hold down the power button for ten seconds, etc. Real basic stuff. Nothing worked. 90% of calls were fixed within the first few steps, but sometimes they were a bit harder. No big deal.

"Don't worry, sir, there are a few more things we can check, and if they don't work then we'll set you up with a repair ticket!."

He was very genial the entire time. Never said a cross word, was as friendly as you would want on a tech support call. Probably one of the best people to talk to if you're tech support; willing to listen, asks questions when confused instead of just going ahead and doing the wrong thing, and generally nice. I was surprised, then, when he interrupted me.

"Jeremiah, I have a question." I told him to go ahead. "Is it supposed to be on fire?"

Wait.

What?

"Are there supposed to be flames coming out of the back of it like this? I mean, I've never used one before yesterday, and it smoked when I tried using it. When I called you I saw a little flame come on and I figured that meant it was working. Thought I should check, though; is it supposed to be on fire?"

I was sent home early that day. My hysterical laughter was causing a distraction to the other workers.
jmfargo: (Default)
Thank you [livejournal.com profile] puffdoggydaddy! Just like you, I was taken in at #1.

And then I laughed hard when I saw that #11 doesn't HAVE an abbreviation. He's his own abbreviation.

Periodic Awesome Pictures, Images and Photos

In-Laws

May. 17th, 2008 10:04 pm
jmfargo: (Default)
Sometimes, there are things in life that not only do you think "I'll never hear these people say THAT," but it doesn't even cross your mind that a discussion of these topics may take place with these people.

Example?

Maria's parents, two things that could have been overheard by a passerby at two very different times, talking about two very different, yet extremely similar, topics:

"Yeah Jeremiah, you're nuts are too small."

Six hours later:

"Our balls are big and firm."

And that's all I have to say about that.
jmfargo: (Default)
Good morning folks!

I had some caffeine this morning because I'd heard that caffeine helps the brain function slightly more productively, and I had a test, so I thought I'd give it a try.

Of course, I also tried that "studying" thing I've heard so much about, so I can't say which one did the trick, but something helped me breeze through the 60 question quiz in 20 minutes, with a very confident feeling that I only missed 5 questions, at most. Less than a 90% on this quiz would come as quite a shock for me.

So, right before the exam, I literally felt the caffeine rush through my system. Remember, I've been off caffeine for quite a while, (except for very few times like this, when I feel I'll really need the extra energy/brain boost) so a large coffee-like drink is bound to have some pretty profound affects on me.

I'm not looking forward to the crash, but I forgot how fun the up is. I'm soaring at a million miles an hour, ready to take on anything. Sure, it's a false feeling, and actually trying to run that marathon, or do 1,000 jumping jacks would end in abysmal failure, but this is how it feels.

God, I'm glad I never got into drugs. I have enough trouble not justifying adding caffeine back into my diet (especially when I learned that not only does it help a little with brain functions, it also speeds up your metabolism), I can't imagine if I was on some actual illegal substance.

I mean, the problem with drugs is that they usually make you feel good. I can't imagine people would continue with them if they made you feel horrible while you were high; that just wouldn't make sense. They do what they're supposed to do, with very little effort on the part of the druggie. The fact that they're illegal barely matters to people who have nothing good in their lives, nowhere to turn except their next score.

I had an experience with being slipped LSD once, at Woodstock '99 in Rome, NY. Most of my friends know about it, because it makes for hilarious stories afterwards. I mean, imagine me standing in place for hours, literally hours, holding up the sky because it's made of stained glass, and all these people jumping up and down are going to break it if they're not careful.

Just imagine walking by me, my arms up-stretched towards the sky, not moving, staring up, not moving a step, no shirt on, glazed eyes, and then an hour later walking by, seeing me doing the same thing. From what I'm told/remembering, I was there for at least 3 hours, possibly longer, until the sun went down.

It's funny, and thinking about it I remember that I didn't feel bad, just worried. Bad came when I tried to sleep and it felt like all the insects within a 20-mile radius were trying to crawl into my sleeping bag. That wasn't fun, but I knew by then that something was wrong, and was able to convince myself that it was my mind playing tricks on me.

But seriously, good funny stories, not horrible feelings for most of a day, and a lot of weird things happening that I'd never see without acid (like a flying whale); these things aren't bad, and I can see why people get into it.

That's not to say they should.

There's so many other things in life that can be awesome, fun, and a little weird, but you have to expend more energy and will to get them to be fulfilling. And, they're real. You can lock yourself in a room with a few people and have whatever designer drugs are out there now, have a good time, and then come down from it, feeling like you've just been digested and excreted by some giant flying whale, or you can go put a little effort into having fun, and keep feeling good.

I'd rather keep feeling good, personally.

Oh, and pot? Pot should be legal. I still wouldn't smoke it, but that's not the point.
jmfargo: (Default)
Okay, continuing my earlier attempts, I will continue following the inspiration that was left for me. Here are the final prompts to my imagination, unless people leave more.

Fax Celestis' prompt )

I think the above is the only one that I consider a "finished" piece. No, not edited, but for some reason there's nothing more to the story, it's whole, complete and done. It just needs to be prettied up.

AKDidge #1 )

Okay, didn't finish yet - was interrupted by getting Maria, dinner, and work. Will do the last couple before end of the night! This has been fun for me, hope it's been entertaining for you so far!
jmfargo: (Default)
And lo the voice of the Almighty came forth and bestowed It's mighty regard upon the lowest of It's many followers, Jeremiah:

"Psst. Hey, listen up."

"Huh?"

Thus again did The One address his subject with generosity and wisdom:

"Just wanted to give you a heads up, you're a complete and utter geek, just how I made you."

"Um. Okay, that's great. Thanks. Who is this again?

Satisfied, The One Who Is Called Iam moved on.

"What the hell was that all about? And who's Iam?"

You aren't supposed to be able to read this, it's just so the readers get what's going on.

"Oh. Okay then, sorry. I'll just go on about my business I suppose. Have a good day and all that."

Thus it was.

--------------------------------

Last night I did possibly one of the geekiest things I've ever been a part of: I played D&D over the internet. Using Trillian I was able to meet with relative strangers (I've known one here for a little while, [livejournal.com profile] fax_celestis, but had never met any of the others) and roleplay.

It was absolutely awesome, and I'm looking forward to next week. In the mean time I'm trying to find a program to help with over-the-net play that includes a good mapping system, a good chat system, and is free. Any suggestions from my D&D crowd?

So that's probably the geekiest thing I have every done to date. What's the geekiest thing you've ever done?

Roleplaying

Jul. 9th, 2006 09:17 am
jmfargo: (Default)
Today I get to spend a couple of hours playing a sniveling coward out to save his own hide by any means possible. Grovelling, begging, lying, cheating - none of these things are below him, a fallen Lord with few if any loyal retainers left. He was a bastard before the peasantry turned against him, now that his keep has been burned to the ground he's a cowardly bastard.

I have to get into character for this.

Done.

This should be interesting. Hopefully there will be some really good roleplaying. I'm mostly concerned about making it fun for the people that are actually paying to do this, but I'd like to have a bit of fun myself. This will probably be one of the most "serious" LARP roles I've ever played that wasn't my own character. I'm pretty psyched, and strangely nervous about my own ability to act this all out.

See, LARP is very different from (most of) theater* in that it's all improv, you're not there for a crowd, and the only people you're entertaining are each other. I don't know why this makes me nervous or how it should make me feel, but the "butterflies" in my stomach haven't died down since late last night.

Considering I expect for the character to end up dead by the end of this no matter what I do you'd think I would be more relaxed. Partly I think the problem is that I'm trying to figure out how to not get dead when in fact it's a foregone conclusion that it's going to happen. I think I'm just overthinking this. I'm in character, mostly, with a template to work with on how to react - I just have to go for it.

Well, here goes nothing. I'm sure I'll write later tonight about how things went. Stay tuned for more.

*-if you LARP you get made fun of more.
-LARPers are expected to pay for their own costumes.
-There are less girls that LARP than do theater.
-It's more likely that you'll be considered homosexual as a LARPer.
-You really don't have to be a good actor to be in a LARP.
-What?
jmfargo: (Default)
The streets are quiet except for the heavy sound of your breathing and the slap slap slap of your companions flip flops. The air smells like a pine forest, but the dessicated, bleak buildings around you show a different scene. The city is quiet, dormant, dead. The gun is heavy in your hands.

A mild wind stirs dead dollar bills to softly skitter down the street. The wind moans quietly through the otherwise still street.

Wait. Moans?

Spinning around you see them coming, five or six of them, no, wait, nine! Ten! More coming from buildings! The zombies are behind you! A quick glance shows that you have options of escape. Do you run, or stay and fight to take out as many as you can, even though your gunshots ringing through these decaying city's streets are sure to bring more?

These are the questions that you and your friends will have to answer when you come to

Jeremiah's Zombie Apocalypse Training Camp!

Hone your wits and your zombie IQ! Enjoy an adventure by day, and our fine hotel and dining establishment by night! Or enjoy a day trip to battle the encroaching hoardes of zombies intent on safely tearing you limb from limb!

Our programs involve day trips, group encounters, overnight stays, and team-building exercises all intent on making sure you enjoy yourself while you help battle the scourge of the planet, zombies.

So come, enjoy a stay here, learn what you can do to help save the world, and while you're at it, blast a few zombie heads in the process!
jmfargo: (Default)
Maria and I remember the story a little different, and while mine is a little more action packed, hers is a little more true. That doesn't mean my version of things is a lie, I report them exactly as I remember them, it just means I may have been slightly asleep at the time.

My version:

Bombs were exploding everywhere, the cyborg army was coming for me. I was alone, rushing through the rubble that was once New York City and was now a war zone. I knew they were searching for me, and I knew that if I was caught then my band of resistance fighters were doomed. I couldn't be captured, damn it, it was too important. I couldn't let the bullet wound in my leg slow me down!

There! Ahead! I could see the meeting zone, and someone was waiting for me! Just 100 meters to go, and I could rest!

That, of course, was the signal for the sound of the rolling wheels of the robots to start up behind me, close. A shot rings out, and blood blossoms in the air in front of me. Whose blood? I look down at the stinging hot/cold area in my chest to see that, strangely enough it's my blood. I'm going to die, it seems surreal. The robots stop, having assessed me as dead through their superior technology. There's hope, they just think I'm a random human, not a Package Carrier.

I find the woman who is waiting for me, and as I die I say to her "Take tihs. It must get to Her. You must find a way to get it to Her!" See seems reluctant, so before I die I shove it into her hands, and collapse.

My eyes are bloodied, and I look up at her in a haze, knowing that if she doesn't do this, my life means nothing. As it gets dark my gaze meets her eyes one last time. I mouth the words, not sure if they make a sound, "Go. Just, go." And I die.

Maria's version:

It's the middle of the night, probably early morning. Maria is slightly awake, having probably been startled by my abrupt sitting up. I'm holding a large pillow, and I turn to her. "Miah, is everything okay?" She asks, concerned.

"Take this," I say, offering forth my pillow, "It must get to Her." When she doesn't take it I get angry. "Take it! You have to give it to her!" Again she refuses to take it, looking at me confused, and I shove it violently into her hands.

Then I lay back down, and fall peacefully back to sleep and Maria deposits the "package," my pillow, on top of my head before going back to sleep herself.

Little did she know she was dooming the human race by not delivering that package.
jmfargo: (Default)
So what is it about mornings that make me feel like helping people out of a bind? I know I'm not this proactive in the afternoons or evenings, when the sun is out. It must have something to do with a lack of sleep that leads to a general sense of "do goodness."

Rush hour again. Stranded car on the side of the freeway, right before a large bridge, so they're on what could barely be considered the shoulder of the road. I see them up ahead, and note that they have out of state plates. Living in Buffalo, near Niagara Falls I have an inkling of what's going on, and normally I'd just drive by with a slight chuckle. This morning, I must have been tired, I stopped.

Right after I stopped I realized that I would have to contend with the thousands of rushing cars going inches away from my driver side door. Stopping was a nice act, but one that put me in deadly danger. Timing it well so as to just barely manage getting out of the way of being smooshed by a giagantic tractor trailer, I threw open my door, used it as a spring board to jump to the front of my car, and slid down dramatically, landing on my feet in a Jackie Chan-esqu manner. Either that, or I slammed it shut behind me and ran like a scared little girl but the truth is less fun.

I saw the map as I got closer, and knew that I was right. Must be some kind of psychic sense I'm having in the morning. "Could you tell us how to get to Niagara Falls" asked the passenger as the driver spoke up "We're fine, thanks, we can read the map." I quirked an eyebrow, sat on the side railing of the road that stood over a 20 foot embankment and asked whether or not they needed my help.

"Yes."
"No."
Came the reply.

I appreciated that they could clear it up so well for me. The passenger leaned out of the open window and whispered sotto voce, "She's embarassed that we're lost. See, we came all the way by car from California, and this is the first time we aren't sure where we are." We shared a knowing grin as though to say "We've all been there" and I pointed them on their way. They both thanked me, the driver looked relieved, and finding the perfect opening in traffic, they bound away.

Leaving me to find a way to get back in my car.

I won't recount the epic struggle that occured between me and the traffic both in getting into my car, and then finding a way to accellerate to 60 before getting mangled by yet another high-speed tractor trailer, but suffice it to say, I won.*

I hate mornings.


*+50 xp for the traffic dodging, +25 for helping fellow humans find their way, -10 for possibly giving wrong directions.
jmfargo: (Default)
So on my way home from breakfast and dropping Maria off at work I crossed over a bridge in the car, and had to swerve violently to avoid a behemoth of a turtle! It's legs slowly and surely were carrying it into the middle of morning rush hour traffic, and in the Buffalo area "rush hour" doesn't mean gridlocked traffic, it means RUSH!

I knew I had to do something.

The nearest side street wasn't too far away, probably a tenth of a mile or so. I pulled the car on the side street so as not to block traffic, and ran back to the turtle before some unobservant motorist cracked it in two. That's right, I ran. Okay, jogged. Walked at a fast pace?

I knew as I approached. Knew. This big monstrosity could be nothing other than a Snapping turtle. Yet still I held hope. "Maybe," I thought to myself as I started breathing heavy from what I consider a run and others consider a dorky looking power-walk, "maybe it's just a really big box turtle, or painted turtle! Wouldn't that be nice?"

As I got closer I saw the tail, and all hope was dashed. The dragon-like tail whipped back and forth in fury and the hind-leg talons gripped into asphalt like an eagle's claws grind into mere flesh. This creature, this prehistoric dinosaur, was a Snapper. It's vicious head flung back and forth in warning as I approached, telling me "Back off man, I've got a beak-like nose and a ton of biting power, and I'm not afraid to use it!" The cars had stopped for now, except for one man who approached on a mission similar to mine. He parked his car to block any potential oncoming traffic to allow me to pick up the turtle. Thank you, you brave man, whoever you are, for stopping all the invisible traffic so that random person x (me) could risk his fingers.*

It wasn't small. As I gripped it by the back of the shell, between the front and rear legs but closer to the rear so that the back claws couldn't rake my fingers, and held it away from my body so as not to crush the relatively fragile tail I realized something. This sucker was heavy! If I had to guess its weight I would put it between one hundred and fifteen to one hundred and twenty pounds, give or take** one hundred pounds. Still though, it wasn't a light thing to carry a squirming, trying to eat my fingers, wild animal down a freshly-wet-with-dew-and-surprisingly-steep embankment to put it safely down next to the water it originally came from.

My favorite part was how it kept trying to eat my face. It would duck its head inside the shell and try to surprise me by snapping out and up, bashing the back of its head on the top of the shell, making a loud *WHOMP* noise as it hit. The loud and very audible *click* of its beak-like mouth actually was kind of frightening in a "I'm really glad I'm at the advantage here" kind of way.

So, good deed done for the day. I win.***

Jeremiah: 1
Turtle: 0

*Actually, I do appreciate what he was trying to do.
**Take.
***+100 experience.
jmfargo: (Default)
Tired and hot, long day, and I'm cranky. These things does not a happy Miah make. However, it's good to know that since I'm fat I can lose weight just sitting here being very warm.

Let that thought sink in for a moment, and then when that's happened, think on this:

On really warm nights, I can even lose weight while asleep.

I have no idea how Maria loves me when its so hot out. I'm a lucky man.
jmfargo: (Default)
My job is good for a few things, and one of those things happens to be finding quality entertainment in the form of making fun of what people say when they are asked to tell a company what it did wrong in its tech support. The things I hear are amazing.

Aside from general stupidity, however, I do get exposed to a whole new culture of words. There are things that southern people say that I have never heard before, at least not in this context. This is not an attempt to make fun of anyone* and really I'm just curious if someone can explain what these terms mean to those in the south of America or at the very least tell me I'm not crazy for finding it odd.

1) "Little" - People on these calls seem to want to preface just about everything and anything with the term "little." "Well that little guy down there** helped me out pretty good." "The little technician couldn't fix things."

My possible explanation: "The Little Train That Could." ?

2) "Proud" - Man these people are proud of everything! The technician did a good job on their lines? "I'm very proud of him." The problem was solved? "I'm proud of BellSouth for fixing it." I thought to have pride you actually had to have something to do with it? Like: "I'm proud of the fact that I was able to fix my car on my own." Or at the very least the person has to have something to DO with you. "I'm proud of my daughter for graduating summa whatever." But to be proud of a technician because they were able to fix the problem? I don't know, sounds kind of fishy to me.

I guess to me it's like saying "I was proud of my waiter for serving me all the right food and in a timely manner." Just weird.

3) This isn't a way of speech, but I always want to know - Why would you call your ISP because your cable is out, and then be angry that the people providing you with DSL internet can't get your cable back on?

Then I get things like this:

In Other Words
"Uh, yes. She should have asked a few more questions. Um. In other word she should have asked a few more questions."


I love my job. All work and no play makes Miah a dull boy.


*Okay, maybe one or two people.
**Down there? Down there? Come on folks, we all know that India isn't to the south of you!

Ahhhh.

Apr. 14th, 2006 09:22 am
jmfargo: (Default)
There's nothing like a nice, hot, relaxing shower at any time of day to get me in a better mood, with a more awake body. I know most people go for cold showers to wake themselves, or warm showers to clean themselves, but to me it's hot or nothing baby!
So, normally I turn on the faucet in the bath, hot all the way up, cold about a quarter of a turn. I have it to the point where I don't really have to check the water or anything, I just know the right levels to spin those little dials to. That's right, I'm that good. Of course, ask me to set it to anything BUT hot and I have a problem.

Today, just a little while ago, I decided to take an oath that I would check it before-hand every single time.

I stepped in after the appropriate time of letting it warm up, the room was getting slightly fogged up, a good sign to me. After roughly five seconds, my feet decided to talk to my brain.

FEET: Hey, brain, you awake this morning?
BRAIN: What? Huh? Who's talking to me?
FEET: Well, just had a quick message for you, in case you didn't know.
BRAIN: Oh, feet! How've you been? What's the message?
FEET: OWWWWW! HOT! WATER HOT! FEET GETTING BOILED ALIVE! ABORT! ABORT! ABORT! ABORT!
BRAIN: It can't be that bad, let's try pointing the shower head at the rest of me, and even out the heat! That's a GREAT idea!

A brief micro-second later, the body joined into the conversation.

BODY: WHAT THE *&%% ARE YOU DOING, YOU IDIOT!? THAT'S HOT!

5 second pause while brain catches up to the conversation.

BRAIN: Oh, you know, I might have forgotten to turn the cold water on...

Yeah. Always checking beforehand now. No more red feet.

But man, it kind of felt good after the pain. I love hot showers, what can I say?

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