jmfargo: (Default)
If you missed it, I'm on testosterone replacement therapy. Every morning I smear a gel into my upper arms and it sits there, cold and smelly, for the next few hours while it seeps into every pore and pervades my being. It's been a week and while I'm not really seeing any changes (I theoretically won't for at least another week) it does help me get out of funks when I feel one coming on. I'm able to tell my brain "Hey, knock it off, we're actually working on fixing you now!"

It doesn't always work, but it helps.

Now while I say I am not seeing any effects from the treatment, I can't be sure there aren't subtle changes. Am I more energetic during the day? Do I feel less fatigued, maybe even a slight change in behavior? Am I seeing weight loss caused by a raised metabolism*?

It's amazing what testosterone really controls! More than just sex drive, it promotes fat burning, muscle building, general energy levels, hair growth (if there's too little, you lose hair; if there's too much, you lose hair; if there's just enough you grow hair). The more I look into it the more I shake my head in disbelief and wish that I had had this blood work done earlier in my life. I have to wonder how my physical and mental states would differ now had I been tested for this five or six years ago.

I'm not pinning all my hopes on this to solve all my problems, regardless of what I said here about finding "The Magic Pill." I know it takes more than just one simple thing to make everything in life better. Still, this is a great first step and I'm hoping to see a general increase in awesomeness from it. Is that really so bad?

Just thought I'd share. I'd appreciate hearing any thoughts on the subject, even if it's "dude, um, this is weird to hear about."

*Nope. I double-checked. Very slight weight gain in the last week. I'm not upset by this as I realize I haven't been as "good" about things as I should be. I'll start working out on WiiFit today. This week I have time to make sure I'm doing all the things I should be doing.
jmfargo: (Default)
"I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry? Don't be sorry, just don't do it again. You're always apologizing, as if everything that goes wrong is your fault. Hell kid, you apologized yesterday when I dropped my lunch, and you were across the room!"

I shrugged slightly and looked away. I might have mumbled something under my breath, something that sounded vaguely like "sorry." I'd heard the speech before, from countless numbers of people. It all boiled down to "stop apologizing," and I knew that was never going to happen.

Did I accidentally bump you in the hall?

"I'm sorry."

Did someone you love just pass on?

"I'm sorry."

Did my brother steal something of yours?

"I'm sorry."

It must be my fault. Maybe I can apologize and make everything all better. Something might piss you off, send you into some kind of rage during which you might say something hurtful to me, or worse you could do something hurtful to me. I better apologize right now, get that part out of the way, maybe it'll repair everything before it's broken?

It's a defensive mechanism, so deep inside my mind that no matter how hard I try to get it out it seems stuck. I've been doing it forever, and will probably continue to.

If you notice it, and it bothers you, I'm sorry.
jmfargo: (Default)
I'm starting to get used to this whole "getting up in the morning" thing that most other people seem to do automatically. I'm finding my own rhythm, realizing that if I get as much sleep in a night as your average person, I'm going to wake up groggy and tired.

Why does that surprise me, when I've "learned" the same thing at least 20 times before now?

Seems like I'm a student of my own history, and I'm just not very good at it. I always talk about how I want to figure stuff out on my own, grasp the world by the horns, and just ride it. I'll figure out how to lose weight on my own. I'll learn how to start a business on my own. I'll...I'll...and on, and on.

But I forget, oh so easily.

So, a few things I need to remember about myself:

1) 7 hours of sleep a night is good. 6 1/2 is better.

2) I have to keep a food journal in order to lose weight, otherwise, I forget what I've had.

3) Working out in the morning actually gives me more energy during the day.

4) I like working out, or at least how I feel afterward.

5) I'm much better at learning than I think I am.

6) I am NOT a good sword fighter. No, seriously. Stop that thought right now.

So, there. 6 things I need to remember about me. Hopefully I'll remember, but if I had to guess I'd say you'll be seeing a post eerily similar to this one in about 4 to 6 months. Just a guess though.
jmfargo: (Default)
Last night my dreams ran the gamut. I starred as a fat black female police officer who had issues with shooting people even if they were pointing a gun in her/my direction; A young blond-haired hero with a sword; an old man simply watching the world march by; a whole crowd of circus workers upset that someone had freed their elephants in Africa.

I was exhausted this morning.

Oh, and the female officer was also part of some underground movement to save the world from some evil government/corporation/cyborgs.

What?

Strange

Aug. 11th, 2008 10:59 am
jmfargo: (Default)
Since I've started working out again, I've noticed a marked improvement in my mood. I'm sure I'm going to talk about this in my fitness blog, and I did a quick Twitter update that sums it up pretty well, but I wanted to touch on it here.

This morning I woke up tired. Very little sleep last night without any real cause behind it, just not very comfortable I suppose. After having a little coffee, my stomach hurt. I'm not sick, but it definitely doesn't feel good. I got on the Wii Fit this morning, and for some reason I can't really figure out it seems like I've gained a little bit of weight since yesterday; my first gain since I started using it.

So why am I in such a jolly mood? Really! I'm uncomfortable, tired, and a bit concerned about the weight gain (though it was just a little, and I'm not really worried about a little flux), so why is everything telling me I feel good?

I worked out for a half hour this morning, as I've been doing for a week now. I showered. My skin feels fresh, I'm wide awake, and I'm feeling good despite all the things that would normally make me feel bad.

It's just weird, and I don't really understand it.
jmfargo: (Default)
The streets are quiet except for the heavy sound of your breathing and the slap slap slap of your companions flip flops. The air smells like a pine forest, but the dessicated, bleak buildings around you show a different scene. The city is quiet, dormant, dead. The gun is heavy in your hands.

A mild wind stirs dead dollar bills to softly skitter down the street. The wind moans quietly through the otherwise still street.

Wait. Moans?

Spinning around you see them coming, five or six of them, no, wait, nine! Ten! More coming from buildings! The zombies are behind you! A quick glance shows that you have options of escape. Do you run, or stay and fight to take out as many as you can, even though your gunshots ringing through these decaying city's streets are sure to bring more?

These are the questions that you and your friends will have to answer when you come to

Jeremiah's Zombie Apocalypse Training Camp!

Hone your wits and your zombie IQ! Enjoy an adventure by day, and our fine hotel and dining establishment by night! Or enjoy a day trip to battle the encroaching hoardes of zombies intent on safely tearing you limb from limb!

Our programs involve day trips, group encounters, overnight stays, and team-building exercises all intent on making sure you enjoy yourself while you help battle the scourge of the planet, zombies.

So come, enjoy a stay here, learn what you can do to help save the world, and while you're at it, blast a few zombie heads in the process!
jmfargo: (Default)
Maria and I remember the story a little different, and while mine is a little more action packed, hers is a little more true. That doesn't mean my version of things is a lie, I report them exactly as I remember them, it just means I may have been slightly asleep at the time.

My version:

Bombs were exploding everywhere, the cyborg army was coming for me. I was alone, rushing through the rubble that was once New York City and was now a war zone. I knew they were searching for me, and I knew that if I was caught then my band of resistance fighters were doomed. I couldn't be captured, damn it, it was too important. I couldn't let the bullet wound in my leg slow me down!

There! Ahead! I could see the meeting zone, and someone was waiting for me! Just 100 meters to go, and I could rest!

That, of course, was the signal for the sound of the rolling wheels of the robots to start up behind me, close. A shot rings out, and blood blossoms in the air in front of me. Whose blood? I look down at the stinging hot/cold area in my chest to see that, strangely enough it's my blood. I'm going to die, it seems surreal. The robots stop, having assessed me as dead through their superior technology. There's hope, they just think I'm a random human, not a Package Carrier.

I find the woman who is waiting for me, and as I die I say to her "Take tihs. It must get to Her. You must find a way to get it to Her!" See seems reluctant, so before I die I shove it into her hands, and collapse.

My eyes are bloodied, and I look up at her in a haze, knowing that if she doesn't do this, my life means nothing. As it gets dark my gaze meets her eyes one last time. I mouth the words, not sure if they make a sound, "Go. Just, go." And I die.

Maria's version:

It's the middle of the night, probably early morning. Maria is slightly awake, having probably been startled by my abrupt sitting up. I'm holding a large pillow, and I turn to her. "Miah, is everything okay?" She asks, concerned.

"Take this," I say, offering forth my pillow, "It must get to Her." When she doesn't take it I get angry. "Take it! You have to give it to her!" Again she refuses to take it, looking at me confused, and I shove it violently into her hands.

Then I lay back down, and fall peacefully back to sleep and Maria deposits the "package," my pillow, on top of my head before going back to sleep herself.

Little did she know she was dooming the human race by not delivering that package.
jmfargo: (Default)
So what is it about mornings that make me feel like helping people out of a bind? I know I'm not this proactive in the afternoons or evenings, when the sun is out. It must have something to do with a lack of sleep that leads to a general sense of "do goodness."

Rush hour again. Stranded car on the side of the freeway, right before a large bridge, so they're on what could barely be considered the shoulder of the road. I see them up ahead, and note that they have out of state plates. Living in Buffalo, near Niagara Falls I have an inkling of what's going on, and normally I'd just drive by with a slight chuckle. This morning, I must have been tired, I stopped.

Right after I stopped I realized that I would have to contend with the thousands of rushing cars going inches away from my driver side door. Stopping was a nice act, but one that put me in deadly danger. Timing it well so as to just barely manage getting out of the way of being smooshed by a giagantic tractor trailer, I threw open my door, used it as a spring board to jump to the front of my car, and slid down dramatically, landing on my feet in a Jackie Chan-esqu manner. Either that, or I slammed it shut behind me and ran like a scared little girl but the truth is less fun.

I saw the map as I got closer, and knew that I was right. Must be some kind of psychic sense I'm having in the morning. "Could you tell us how to get to Niagara Falls" asked the passenger as the driver spoke up "We're fine, thanks, we can read the map." I quirked an eyebrow, sat on the side railing of the road that stood over a 20 foot embankment and asked whether or not they needed my help.

"Yes."
"No."
Came the reply.

I appreciated that they could clear it up so well for me. The passenger leaned out of the open window and whispered sotto voce, "She's embarassed that we're lost. See, we came all the way by car from California, and this is the first time we aren't sure where we are." We shared a knowing grin as though to say "We've all been there" and I pointed them on their way. They both thanked me, the driver looked relieved, and finding the perfect opening in traffic, they bound away.

Leaving me to find a way to get back in my car.

I won't recount the epic struggle that occured between me and the traffic both in getting into my car, and then finding a way to accellerate to 60 before getting mangled by yet another high-speed tractor trailer, but suffice it to say, I won.*

I hate mornings.


*+50 xp for the traffic dodging, +25 for helping fellow humans find their way, -10 for possibly giving wrong directions.
jmfargo: (Default)
Tired and hot, long day, and I'm cranky. These things does not a happy Miah make. However, it's good to know that since I'm fat I can lose weight just sitting here being very warm.

Let that thought sink in for a moment, and then when that's happened, think on this:

On really warm nights, I can even lose weight while asleep.

I have no idea how Maria loves me when its so hot out. I'm a lucky man.
jmfargo: (Default)
I was able to log in to work early this morning and drive off the evil demons that infest my queue of transcriptions that were not defeated last night by my lightning fast key strokes. Though it was tough, and there were a few choice moments where I thought that I maybe could be defeated, I pushed on through it and was victorious!

They'll return soon, as more people record their vitriol to be spilled upon the phone company, but I will come back, keyboard in hand, ready to fight. Ready to win!

My love Maria slumbers upstairs, fighting against the gloom of this Saturday in the time treasured manner of ignoring it as best as possible. I think, perhaps, this is a battle she will lose as these grey clouds seems to be here to stay for as long as they can, and she is too productive of a person to stay abed the day long through. A defeat for her, but then she will battle the wars of cleanliness vs. slobiness, minimalization vs. collecting junk, clean vs. dirty and active vs. laziness.

Strangely it appears as though she and I fight on different sides of the battle lines this day. Battles will be fought, feelings will be crushed, and we shall both emerge victorious in our own little ways. We shall make sure to compromise, that way nobody is happy.

Off I go now, to begin the destruction of the dirty dishes. Perhaps Maria has an unexpected ally in one or two of these battles, and it may be that I am my own worst foe. We shall see.
jmfargo: (Default)
Supposedly over the next couple of nights there is supposed to be a series of meteor showers caused by an "unusual comet." This bit of news comes from one of Maria's coworkers, and though I can't quite verify it I have been reading some interesting things when I found out about the comet 73P/Schwassmann-Wachmann. This was the one that NASA was busy about a while ago convincing us that it wasn't going to collide with the Earth. I'm not saying that I distrust NASA, but it was right around that time I started learning all I could about canning food and warding off radiation.

Remember folks, radiation is not your friend when it's just running around all willy nilly!

I have been accused of pontificationg too much about zombies, and I feel that for the sake of brevity I will keep this brief:

If rocks from outer space start hitting the ground the time is there to start moving to where you're planning on holing up. If something has happened to your main point (like, say, a huge chunk of glowing green rock crashed through the roof) move on to safety elsewhere.

Keep an eye on the skies folks. If the government isn't the cause of the Zombie Apocalypse, something from the skies will be, most likely.

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