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I don't get it. See, more than half the problems my friends have deal with family and not being able to tell said family exactly how they feel about things. I see it even more here on livejournal, and I advise those friends exactly how I advise my other friends: Tell your family to get the hell off your back - or - tell them how you feel about situation x - or - WALK AWAY FROM THEM AND DON'T LOOK BACK.
I don't understand this amazing fascination we have with "But they're family and you don't do that to family," while at the same time their family is screwing them over more ways than a (insert explicit sexual joke here).
Folks, I'm here to tell you that yes, these people are family, but you know what? You aren't required to be someone you aren't for them. You don't have to deal with the shit that they hand you, and you definately don't have to force a smile while they shove it down your throat.
If you don't do something about it, you're going to keep dealing with it, forever. It's not going to magically go away unless you work it out with them. They're not going to magically realize that all this time they've been in the wrong. The fact of the matter is that they're not going to change their behaviour unless you do something to alter their perceptions, and if they still don't change even after everything's been spelled out for them in very very tiny words? Well, if you're a grown up, you have a very handy option:
Leave. Don't call them. Don't answer the phone when they call. Don't bother with them any more and just drop them out of your life. Sure, they're family, but you know what? Family can be 100 times more destructive than other people if you just let them walk all over you.
But if you're going to complain about your family, don't play the "They're family so there's nothing I can do" bullshit on the people that are trying to help you. That's an excuse, nothing more. Sometimes, you have to just have to tell people off, regardless of who they are.
And friend who recently posted about this topic - this isn't really about you, as your post was just one in a recent ~slew~ of posts like this that I've seen, and they have all told me, where you haven't, that they could never do that to family because it's just wrong. This isn't directed at you. Please understand that.
I don't understand this amazing fascination we have with "But they're family and you don't do that to family," while at the same time their family is screwing them over more ways than a (insert explicit sexual joke here).
Folks, I'm here to tell you that yes, these people are family, but you know what? You aren't required to be someone you aren't for them. You don't have to deal with the shit that they hand you, and you definately don't have to force a smile while they shove it down your throat.
If you don't do something about it, you're going to keep dealing with it, forever. It's not going to magically go away unless you work it out with them. They're not going to magically realize that all this time they've been in the wrong. The fact of the matter is that they're not going to change their behaviour unless you do something to alter their perceptions, and if they still don't change even after everything's been spelled out for them in very very tiny words? Well, if you're a grown up, you have a very handy option:
Leave. Don't call them. Don't answer the phone when they call. Don't bother with them any more and just drop them out of your life. Sure, they're family, but you know what? Family can be 100 times more destructive than other people if you just let them walk all over you.
But if you're going to complain about your family, don't play the "They're family so there's nothing I can do" bullshit on the people that are trying to help you. That's an excuse, nothing more. Sometimes, you have to just have to tell people off, regardless of who they are.
And friend who recently posted about this topic - this isn't really about you, as your post was just one in a recent ~slew~ of posts like this that I've seen, and they have all told me, where you haven't, that they could never do that to family because it's just wrong. This isn't directed at you. Please understand that.
