Been Thinking

Lately I've found that when I'm by myself and thinking about nothing, I get into a bitchy mood. It just creeps up on me, and no matter what else is going on or what I'm thinking about, the cynic in me starts to express itself loudly. I'm not sure what's triggering these internal outbursts even though I'm usually pretty good at figuring out what my triggers are for my many different moods. Maybe it's the changing season that's really not changing.

Changing that's not changing? Yeah, right now it's the day before December, and while it's a dark overcast gray outside, it's also 70 degrees! This would be a good thing, if not for the overcast. I don't do good when the weather is crazy, I think. I like the sun, or if not the sun then the stars and moon. New York, western New York to be more specific, is not the best place to be if I want more sun. I believe that New York is in the top ten states with the least amount of days with sun, but I can't recall if that's 100% correct or not. Anyone know?

So I've been contemplating a change of pace, some time in the future. Maria has as well, and since she's a huge part of my life that's a good thing because otherwise I'm not sure I'd be thinking of making these potential changes.

I have lots of people from all over the country (and outside the country, but unfortunately that's just not an option at this point), and so I'm wondering - what's great about where you are? What sucks about it? Would you suggest a friend move out your way, if they were looking for somewhere to go? Why (not)?

Rage

(Putting this here sounds like a cop-out, but I don't want people thinking I'm a bad person, so I need to state that this never happened, this is a part of a larger fiction I'm writing. This bit is just something that struck me today and I had to put it down. I had to put it here, for some reason. Let me know what you think, if you have the time?)

"Thanks for meeting me for lunch Andy. I know it's a little strange, me inviting you out somewhere, and us being...well, we're definitely not friends, that's all I'm going to say about that. I hope I picked a good place, have you been here?"

"Good, good. Glad to hear that's why you came, because you know the food is great, and not because you want to ever talk to me. That's good. What do you suggest from the menu? I don't really like mushrooms, but anything else is pretty good for me. What do you like? That? Okay, sounds good. Yeah, I'll try it out, even though it says 'mushroom burger.' Glad you're keeping my thoughts in mind."

"So anyways, I wanted to talk to you. Well, about stuff that goes on in our lives. Stuff you do. Things I have to do to keep it from happening again."



"Yes, very funny. I know. I'm a comedian. Seriously though, enjoy those fries, glad you like them."

"I need to tell you something, and I need to make sure you take it seriously, because if you don't, well, things aren't going to be good between us any more. So far we've had a pretty one-sided dialogue in our life that consists of you making sure everyone sees you making fun of me in school, and me shaking my head and walking away, hurt because no one ever stands up for me. Pretty one-sided."

"Today, this stops."

"Laugh, that's fine, like I said before, I'm a comedian, and I'm a pretty funny guy. The fact is though, it stops now, and never happens again. If it does happen, there will be consequences, and they will not be slow in coming. No baby steps, no 'tone it down.' Just. Stop."

"If you don't? Simple. At night, when you're biking home from a friends house, I jump out of the bushes one mile from your house, right after the bridge that crosses that small creek, you know the spot? I smash you in the face with a branch as you ride by - it's pretty easy, I know how to swing a staff really good. Don't worry, I'll make sure no cars are coming. I don't want you dead."

"Now, the fall off the bike will probably hurt worse than any beating I could give you, but don't worry, I won't let that stop me from trying to top it. I'll take the branch out of the picture once it's obvious you're down and in pain, probably two or three more swings. After the initial hit to the face I'll aim elsewhere because we don't want any obvious damage done to you with bruising and the like, I'll focus mostly on the soft-tissue areas. It'll hurt, but don't worry, I won't go too far."

"That's the first time. Oh, but you'll tell on me? I doubt that. First, everyone in school that you've turned against me will laugh at you, you'll become the outcast if you claim that I was the one that did this to you, and your pride can't handle that, I know you. Second, everyone outside of school? The parents, the families? They all know that I would never do something like this. Never. I'm a sweet boy, kind and gentle. I take the 'ribbings' (speaking of which, are you going to eat that? Thanks) that you guys all give me all the time with gentle humor and if I'm hurt I turn it internal and read a book while blocking out the real world. Everyone knows. Even if they do suspect me, they'll figure you did something to deserve it, because I don't snap, ever, at any one. I'm the guy who always turns the other cheek. Thirdly, and most importantly, just because you tell doesn't mean I'll be convicted, and if I'm not, I'll always be there, and you'll never know when, if, I'm going to strike at you again. You couldn't live like that."

"How are those fries? Have you seen the waitress? I need a refill."