May. 1st, 2008

Dreams

May. 1st, 2008 08:37 am
jmfargo: (Default)
I don't talk about my nightly dreams very often, because to be quite honest I usually find myself skipping over dream posts from other people, and I know there has to be folks that feel the same way as I do about most of them: They're dreams, they don't really matter, so I'm not sure I care.

This isn't to be mean to those that do post their dreams. Please don't feel this is aimed at anyone. I'm writing this because I'm going to talk about my dreams a little bit, but not the substance, more the context.

Every now and then my dreams go from being something that happens in the background of my sleep, to something more vivid and strong. The other day, I woke up in the morning disoriented because I had had a dream so real-feeling that I felt out of place in my own bedroom. It wasn't a realistic dream, including things like magic equipment that helped me control a Force-like power and sword fights against evil overlords, but at the same time, if felt real.

Normally these things happen once or twice a month, if that often. They're spaced out with a week or more between them, and always leave me feeling tired the next day. Not "wasted," and I've always got enough gumption to get up and go the next day without too much of a problem, but there's always that part of my brain afterwards that feels like I could go for another six hours of sleep.

Lately, I've been dreaming like this every night. I can recall in vivid detail the visions that these dreams lay before me in the nightscape. Each one featured a cast of different people, some that I know in real life, some that I know online, and most that I've never met. They've all pivoted around fantasy, which is unusual for me, and around a few central characters other than myself. I'm not sure why, as most of these people haven't really been on my mind lately, but something seems to be trying to point them out to me, drawing my attention to them.

And then this morning I read a post from one of the friends, and find that their life has been "not good" lately. The one figure in these dreams for the past week that the strife has seemed to center on in many ways is the person that suddenly has major strife in their life. What am I supposed to take from that?

I don't know. Growing up I believed a lot in the message of dreams, and had many deja vu experiences. I thought I could see the future, that I dreamed the original Twin Towers bombing (remember so many years ago?), that I foresaw something as simple as a game of tag in the woods with family, and that I would throw a ball, and bean someone coming around a corner. Some stupid little things, some big things that when they came true I literally cried, both for the fear of what had actually happened, and for the fear that I somehow saw it, that maybe, maybe I could have stopped it. I was 12.

I haven't had dreams quite like that in a long time. I've been in a different head space for lots of years now. I don't go hunt ghosts, I roll my eyes at most psychics. I haven't had many strange unexplainable experiences in at least six or seven years.

I'm not saying it's starting again, and I'm not saying that this couldn't just be my mental manifestation of worry for this person just coincidentally syncing up with their real life happenings. That's very possible, and even extremely plausible. I'd say that's probably what's happening.

Still, I saw a figure in these dreams that I haven't seen since I started actively waking myself up from what I thought of as prophetic dreams as a child. I don't know who he is, as I've never met him, but I recognized him instantly in each dream, knew he was my childhood companion (he was an adult even then) from those dreams. He was in each dream I ever had that "came true." I documented it in a journal I kept for many years. Now he's back, and I have no idea what, if anything, it means.

Maybe it means I should start keeping a dream journal again. I don't know.

I'm sorry I'm rambling. I just needed to get this out of my mind, onto "paper." It's bugging me more than I should think it would. It feels like something is happening again, and I have to be a part of it, but at the same time this new me, the one that shies away from the past, laughs at my arrogance. "Something is happening." Pah.

I don't know. I'm going to just take today, work, and immerse myself in getting stuff done in this real world, the concrete world. It's where I belong now.

Isn't it?

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