This Is My Life

The word "love" is overused. I'm retiring it, effective immediately.

I'm sorry, it simply must be done; sometimes a word needs to be retired before it becomes meaningless and I feel "love" has reached its apex. There's nowhere for it to go as a word but down. The downward spiral may have already begun and so I'd like to nip it in the bud by taking the word away.

Next time you meet the woman of your dreams tell me how she smiled at you and your brain shut down for just a moment while all you could think to say was "Guh..."

Tell me how you feel about those new shoes you bought, let me know how the beautiful color caught your eye when the light hit it "just so," or that they compliment your already quite-shapely legs perfectly.

If you're explaining your relationship with your family, tell me the good things and that you all feel so close to one another that you can all share anything and maybe disagree with one another but never lose that closeness.

When you see a sunset, describe the memories it evokes or how the colors danced on the clouds almost magically.

But don't speak to me of love.

It's time for love to take a rest. It deserves it.

Tonight I got an email from another member of OKCupid that was very flattering, friendly, and a straight out come-on.*

Sometimes an ego boost comes just at the time when you need it most.

I don't talk about poly much because family reads this and they do not understand it. I don't want to upset anyone. That being said, I like to be totally open about my life, talking about what I want to talk about so my hope is that they can deal with seeing/skipping these posts.

As for the woman who wrote to me, unfortunately she was reacting to my profile thinking I was still in Rochester as I had forgotten to update it. She specifically is only looking for people nearby. Unfortunate, but there you have it.

Still, that ego boost is helpful.

Now I just have to get a job and a car, then maybe I'll find myself a girl. Until that happens I can't feel good enough about myself to actively pursue a relationship with anyone.**

*And it was too well-written/personal to be a robot, so stop doubting, folks.
**Heck, that even kind of includes my wife...

Good News: I am in Buffalo, NY with awesome friends.

Bad News: I miss one particular friend from central NY already.

Good News: I have my own computer back online, finally!

Bad News: My massively huge flat screen monitor is dead, broken at some point in the move.

Good News: I take another step toward employment tomorrow.

Bad News: I am still unemployed.

Good News: Maria loves me.

Bad News: Maria is far away.

I'm okay.

Just wanted to let you all know.

Will write more later.

Interviewing is interesting. It used to be, when I was young, that you walked into a store, told the people why you were awesome, and you were either hired or told politely that a 9 year old probably shouldn't be looking for a job.

What? I was proactive at that age.

But really, I got my first real job because I walked into the video store at least once a week and asked the man who owned the store if he needed help. One day I saw him at Kenny's, a little corner market where I liked to buy some candy and I asked if he was looking for help yet.

He said yes. I had a job. It was magical.

Now? Now applying for the job I want has become a little bit different. First, I fill out an application online. Then, when that's approved and not immediately deleted I get a phone call from a person asking which position I'd like out of the three that they emailed me about. After a brief conversation with them I'm told that yes, I have made it to the phone interview part and that they will call me in a few days.

Today was the phone interview part. I was myself, talked calmly, relaxed, and generally just went with the flow of things. I am now set up for the computer skills assessment test! Apparently I did well enough on the phone interview that they want me to come in again. I am very excited!

I'll be in central New York this week, about 180 miles away, but I return next weekend and on Monday I go in for the computer test. I'm not really nervous - the phone interview was the most nerve-wracking part for me because there's no body language to read and if the phone cuts out it could all end in disaster, etc.

I'm very happy right now. Time to go get some strawberry milk.*

*I'll explain this last comment later. Right now though all I have to say is WHOO!!!

I had an interview this morning that seemed to go well. It ended on a positive note of the boss saying that she thinks I'd fit well with the company and that she will contact me when she figures out where.

I have applied to many jobs that would be absolutely amazing if I get them.

I have a cell phone loaned to me by a great friend from Buffalo who even put about an hour's worth of minutes onto it.

My friends are all amazing. Brett, Derek, and Kath with offers to house me, feed me, help get me on my feet. Just hands-down amazing.

Next week will actually be a "week off" so to speak in that I'll be in an area where I won't be actively applying for jobs. And I'll see more friends and family.

So far, nobody has told me to quit my bitchin'. I take this as a relatively good sign that I haven't overstayed my welcome in the pity wagon. I'll try not to. Promise.

I am a bit drunk. Tonight I have had (and I am not correcting this as I type so that I know later just how bad I really am versus how bad I think I am): 3 1:1 whisky sours, 1 light beer, 6 "get in the choppas" which go down smooth but hit hard, or so I'm told.

I am feeling slightly tipsy, maybe a bit sick to my stomach when squeezed hard (I got a goodbye hung) and my propensity to want to bite has gone up about 200%. Beyond that I'm not feeling too far flung from my normal self.

I had quite a good time tonight. Got to hang out with girls of high caliber, gave one a backrub, and generally enjoyed the company of fantastic people. Sure, one gentleman who thought he could drink me under the gtable may have had a little too much and becone the "ungry (grr, I see that mistake) drunk of the party" but beyond that there were few problems/issues.

(Yes, I see "gtable," "becone," and "ungry." It upsets me not to correct them.)

I am thinking that next drinking party I have to literally have a drinking contest and see how many people I am capal...grr...capable of drinking under the table. I am nowhere near drunk enough to not remember tonight or to pass out and could have at least four or five more "GitCs" before needing to pace myself.

All in all, a fun night. Need to do this more often. Apparently I impressed some people with my "smoothness with the ladies" but I wasn't really trying for that? I am quite confused.

Now, to bed!

Note: I would guess that reading a bunch of my to do lists has gotten kind of boring. Please understand that eventually I will go back to being that hip, hilarious, and awesome guy you're used to reading (or, well, as close as I ever get) but that right now I just need to kind of chronicle plans, keep track of what's going on, etc.

That being said:

I think that over the next few days or weeks, depending on how long it takes me to get a job, I will have to keep busy. It's really the best thing I can possibly do. For this I have come up with a list of things I'd like to try to do every day until I get a job. After I get a full-time job somewhere this will be altered to something else, but right now I just need to focus.

So here's what I'm thinking, and I'd love some feedback:

1. Apply to 5 new jobs

2. Hula-hoop for 15 minutes minimum

3. Spin poi for 15 minutes minimum

4. Practice the cello for 15 minutes minimum

5. Shower/Shave/Medicine (not much of a "to do" but it's important)

6. Work out, whether at a gym or at home using what I have on hand

7. Read

8. Go for a walk

9. Take photographs

10. Write

Not much of a list, really, and some of it probably seems silly to other folks, but I need to do new stuff, try new things, push my limits and keep busy. But what am I missing? Thoughts?

Today is my day to clean up my room, organize my stuff, get ready for a trip to Buffalo for a few days and generally be a homemaker for a day. I've already learned to fold a t-shirt in 2 seconds (a skill I am stupidly proud of), but now am realizing that I'm going to need to know more than that.

Don't get me wrong, folding stuff isn't a problem. Shirts were the only things that ever gave me problems and now I've got them down. Folding is easy.

But what's this "iron" thing I keep hearing about? I remember once, a long time ago, in dim memories passed being shown this hot flat thing used to unwrinkle clothing but I think that was a myth, or a time so far gone these skills no longer exist.

I've organized my room, folded my clothing into neat little piles, and packed for my trip but I'm going to have to ask my (roommate? landlord?) friend to show me how to use an iron. I feel kinda dumb, but so be it.

I'm sure there's a whole bunch of things I'm going to need to learn in the near future. I guess I should get used to asking questions.

Maria and I have separated in hopes that distance and time apart might help to fix things between us. I'm in Rochester for the moment, living with a good friend who drove 7 hours one way to pick me up on Sunday, then endured the 7 hour drive all the way back here that night.

This was going to be a long post explaining everything that happened in excruciating detail as I've seen it but I realized that that's not going to help anyone. Here's the bare-bones of it:

We decided to become polyamorous about 7 months ago. Our relationship was strong, we trust each other and communicate well*. Life was good.

Stuff happened. Maria realized I might not be the person she wants to be married to. Not that there's anyone waiting in the wings, just that I wasn't as steady, ambitious, and well-grounded as she would want me to be. Neither of us knows where we belong in the other person's life anymore. I moved out. Maybe I'll move back in but things have to happen on both sides of the relationship before that even becomes a possibility.

We're working on it. I'll be out of the house for at least 2 months. My two big goals are to get in shape and to find a job. If I stay out here longer I'll need to find a way to become independent and get a place of my own. Not because my friend would be kicking me out but because I'm just a guy that likes a place to call his own.

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Comment or email me. I'll answer anything. Oh, and if you're in the WNY area, I'm definitely looking for some company over the next few days, weeks, whatever. I came out this way to be around the people I know and care about and would love to see you.

*Why yes, I did switch from past-tense to present-tense in one sentence. In this case I find it appropriate.