A Thought I've Been Chewing On
Nov. 30th, 2005 07:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jmfargoPart of the reason I've been considering changing my image here on livejournal so much lately has to do with the way I see the world, and the way I think the world views me. Let me sketch you a picture of how I feel I'm seen:
At a quarter of a century old, I stand six feet tall minus an inch or two caused by my heavy shoulders. My hair is already thinning, and my weight can't be helping the over-all health issues that I seem to have from time to time. My life seems to be a vast ping-pong game in which I bounce back and forth between having a job, and not having a job, having a job, and not having a job, having a job, and not having a job.
I'm lucky, of course, to have my wonderful girlfriend Maria in my life, a successful twenty-four year old who owns this house I live in, this computer I type on, and just about everything in my life actually belongs to her except a few mementos of Live Action Role Playing games, and things of times gone so far past that even remembering them seems a stretch.
Sure, I'm a nice guy, and people like me because I have an easy smile, and a calm demeanor. Once they get to know me they realize that I'm a cynic hidden inside of an optimist. I can see my friends wince every time I start to talk about how I feel something is just wrong and how it shouldn't be that way.
That's how I sometimes feel the world around me views the person that I am. Mind you I know I'm leaving out a lot of the good stuff, but that's a lot of bad stuff right there, in my mind, and I'm simply not happy with it.
In order to change something in your life, I've been told, you have to grasp the horse's mane tightly, and let it run. I have to make a choice, stick with it as well as I can, and go where my choices take me. This is a hard thing to do, but rewarding in that at the least, things will change. Maybe for the better, maybe not. The only way to see is to try.
I can hear some of you asking yourself "Well, what changes are you planning on making?" That's a really good question, and I'm not sure I know the answer. I've considered many different avenues, and discarded most of them as being too money/power-hungry, too unreachable, too much. I've thought of a few small things to change, and livejournal is one of them. Livejournal is, perhaps, the easiest of them, and that's why I have thought of starting here.
These changes are meaningless though, without some kind of real-world changes in my life. I have started one big change dealing with once again owning my own business, and am hoping that it will grow into a bigger opportunity, but unfortunately the nature of this change is such that if I talk about it, someone could swoop in and take it out from under me, so I keep it to myself, no matter how interested I know many people would be.
I'm thinking, though, of making a really big change. For my world, it's earth-shattering, but for others, it's nearly infintesimally miniscule. I get addicted to things easily, and one of my biggest draws is this infernal contraption the computer. I leave it on all day, waiting to hear the *ding* that signals that I've received an email. I stop to type in my livejournal about whatever strikes my fancy. Mainly, like television used to do before we got rid of it, it sucks me in and keeps me from doing what I should be doing. I'm going to start unplugging more, only allowing myself to go online maybe once every two hours, and then only for a few brief things, like writing here, and responding to emails.
It's going to be difficult. Very difficult. A person has to start making changes some time, if they want to get themselves changed. You have to start some time.
That time is now.
At a quarter of a century old, I stand six feet tall minus an inch or two caused by my heavy shoulders. My hair is already thinning, and my weight can't be helping the over-all health issues that I seem to have from time to time. My life seems to be a vast ping-pong game in which I bounce back and forth between having a job, and not having a job, having a job, and not having a job, having a job, and not having a job.
I'm lucky, of course, to have my wonderful girlfriend Maria in my life, a successful twenty-four year old who owns this house I live in, this computer I type on, and just about everything in my life actually belongs to her except a few mementos of Live Action Role Playing games, and things of times gone so far past that even remembering them seems a stretch.
Sure, I'm a nice guy, and people like me because I have an easy smile, and a calm demeanor. Once they get to know me they realize that I'm a cynic hidden inside of an optimist. I can see my friends wince every time I start to talk about how I feel something is just wrong and how it shouldn't be that way.
That's how I sometimes feel the world around me views the person that I am. Mind you I know I'm leaving out a lot of the good stuff, but that's a lot of bad stuff right there, in my mind, and I'm simply not happy with it.
In order to change something in your life, I've been told, you have to grasp the horse's mane tightly, and let it run. I have to make a choice, stick with it as well as I can, and go where my choices take me. This is a hard thing to do, but rewarding in that at the least, things will change. Maybe for the better, maybe not. The only way to see is to try.
I can hear some of you asking yourself "Well, what changes are you planning on making?" That's a really good question, and I'm not sure I know the answer. I've considered many different avenues, and discarded most of them as being too money/power-hungry, too unreachable, too much. I've thought of a few small things to change, and livejournal is one of them. Livejournal is, perhaps, the easiest of them, and that's why I have thought of starting here.
These changes are meaningless though, without some kind of real-world changes in my life. I have started one big change dealing with once again owning my own business, and am hoping that it will grow into a bigger opportunity, but unfortunately the nature of this change is such that if I talk about it, someone could swoop in and take it out from under me, so I keep it to myself, no matter how interested I know many people would be.
I'm thinking, though, of making a really big change. For my world, it's earth-shattering, but for others, it's nearly infintesimally miniscule. I get addicted to things easily, and one of my biggest draws is this infernal contraption the computer. I leave it on all day, waiting to hear the *ding* that signals that I've received an email. I stop to type in my livejournal about whatever strikes my fancy. Mainly, like television used to do before we got rid of it, it sucks me in and keeps me from doing what I should be doing. I'm going to start unplugging more, only allowing myself to go online maybe once every two hours, and then only for a few brief things, like writing here, and responding to emails.
It's going to be difficult. Very difficult. A person has to start making changes some time, if they want to get themselves changed. You have to start some time.
That time is now.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-01 03:02 am (UTC)I also find it difficult to change certain habits that are ingrained in me. I started doing light weights last week, but only because I’ve told myself for the past, oh, 10 years that I should get in better shape. Since I’m cheap and spent $10 on these 2 5lb weights, maybe I’ll use them! I’m slowly getting Becky to show me some workout routines. Maybe someday I’ll actually take a Martial Arts class – another thing I’ve been telling myself to do for the past 10 years.
If you’re like me, the only way to ever change something is to set the goal and (I hate to quote advertisements like this) JUST DO IT. With our addictive personalities, if we START a routine of something we want to do, we’ll keep at it – it’s just the starting part that is hard.
I started practicing the guitar a couple months ago. Not much, just a half hour a night, and I’ve since stopped. Why? Because I had too much to do in a single night to get it all done. So I guess that means part 2 of the Set a Goal and Just Do It is this – set a few reasonable goals that you really want, and make sure you have time to devote to them, otherwise they’ll be wasted. It’s almost 10PM, which means I won’t have time to practice tonight either, I’ll go have a small snack and read a book (another habit I’ve finally gotten into – I read so slow I NEED to read at least 30-60 minutes a night in order to finish a book before the first pages have decomposed!)
I’ll finish with this:
1) Are the swords done? I don’t remember reading you finishing them – time is short if you haven’t! That’s the short version – the long one is Finish What You’ve Already Started before moving on.
2) Think of your big goals, and make sure you make at least STEADY PROGRESS on them. My problem is I’ll go in spurts – get a whole lot done in a short time, and then do nothing for a long time. That’s bad. I’m bad that…
3) Don’t listen to advice.
4) Trust me on the sunscreen.
-tt – who is proving that we should get off the darn computer and go eat some Tiramisu
no subject
Date: 2005-12-01 04:10 am (UTC)And have fun with the tiramisu. That stuff is absolute heaven.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-01 11:17 pm (UTC)Good advice that I've been turning over in my head. I'm going to write a "goals" post later and make sure to make it a "memory" so that I can reference it whenever I want. Maria's been telling me that I need to make a list of goals anyways, and this seems like a good time.
And I'l have to make sure I have time to devote to them, but right now all I really have is time, honestly.
To answer your questions:
1) Swords aren't done, but because of some saw problems. They will be done soon, but thank you for reminding me.
2) I have to figure out what my big goals are still, unfortunately.
3) Good advice.
4) Shut up. ;)