Smoking Zombies Revisited
Sep. 28th, 2006 02:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jmfargoA while back I talked about why you should quit smoking before the zombies come and many people had some ideas on why I was wrong, and why in fact smoking would help them in case of a zombie attack. (If you haven't read the previous update I suggest you do because it goes in to detail on why you shouldn't smoke around zombies in the first place that I don't go in to here.)
Let's break down your arguments for why it's not a bad thing, and then I can tell you why you're completely wrong:
1. Lighting zombies on fire is the best method of killing them if you don't have a way to blow their brains out or hack their heads off or to bludgeon them to death with a big stick. So, lighting a zombie on fire is the fourth best option for killing them. Most people don't carry lighters with them if they aren't a smoker, so they couldn't do this and thus would be at the mercy of a zombie.
~A common misconception. Lighting a zombie on fire really only causes you to have an angry (as angry as they can get I suppose), flaming zombie that's still going to try to kill you. Anything it comes in touch with that is flammable will also burst in to flame, and it now has even more ways of hurting you. Now, blowing up a zombie is a good tactic, but that usually would take some kind of planning, and I'd hope your planning would involve a lighter.
2. In a nicotine fit, a smoker could punch through the skull of any encroaching zombies as long as it was on the way to the nearest pack of cigarettes.
~Have you ever seen someone in a nicotine fit? I mean, from the outside. They're snappy, sure, but they're jittery, jumpy, less likely to make good decisions. One of those bad decisions would be to run through a crowd of biting zombies to get a smoke. I can't see this leading to anything but another zombie in the crowd. Maybe I'm wrong, but having a nic fit doesn't entitle you to be stronger, faster, and more vicious (okay, maybe more vicious) than your every-day person, does it?
3. A smoker just has to outrun all the fat people.
~As a fat person, just let me say: I hate you.
4. The smoke from a cigarette will confuse a zombie instead of draw them in because you will no longer smell like a human being.
~In some cases, I agree, but if we study zombie lore then we know that some brain functions, like basic memory and minor cognitive abilities, remain behind. As so many people pointed out, you never quit being addicted to "cancer sticks," and my guess is that while the smell of cigarette smoke would confuse some zombies, you have a 50 50 chance that your particular attacker was once a smoker and if anything wants to eat your brains even more to get that juicy nicotine fix.
5. When it gets cold you'll need fire to keep warm so what about that smoke?
~This wasn't really a counterpoint so much as a good point. The smell of a regular fire may draw in more zombies, but I'm not so sure. As above, I think the scent of cigarettes would have more meaning to most zombies than the scent of a fire, in a time when there will probably be many fires burning from when gas lines go and houses go up in flame.
So that is why I think you're all mistaken.
Prove me wrong.
Let's break down your arguments for why it's not a bad thing, and then I can tell you why you're completely wrong:
1. Lighting zombies on fire is the best method of killing them if you don't have a way to blow their brains out or hack their heads off or to bludgeon them to death with a big stick. So, lighting a zombie on fire is the fourth best option for killing them. Most people don't carry lighters with them if they aren't a smoker, so they couldn't do this and thus would be at the mercy of a zombie.
~A common misconception. Lighting a zombie on fire really only causes you to have an angry (as angry as they can get I suppose), flaming zombie that's still going to try to kill you. Anything it comes in touch with that is flammable will also burst in to flame, and it now has even more ways of hurting you. Now, blowing up a zombie is a good tactic, but that usually would take some kind of planning, and I'd hope your planning would involve a lighter.
2. In a nicotine fit, a smoker could punch through the skull of any encroaching zombies as long as it was on the way to the nearest pack of cigarettes.
~Have you ever seen someone in a nicotine fit? I mean, from the outside. They're snappy, sure, but they're jittery, jumpy, less likely to make good decisions. One of those bad decisions would be to run through a crowd of biting zombies to get a smoke. I can't see this leading to anything but another zombie in the crowd. Maybe I'm wrong, but having a nic fit doesn't entitle you to be stronger, faster, and more vicious (okay, maybe more vicious) than your every-day person, does it?
3. A smoker just has to outrun all the fat people.
~As a fat person, just let me say: I hate you.
4. The smoke from a cigarette will confuse a zombie instead of draw them in because you will no longer smell like a human being.
~In some cases, I agree, but if we study zombie lore then we know that some brain functions, like basic memory and minor cognitive abilities, remain behind. As so many people pointed out, you never quit being addicted to "cancer sticks," and my guess is that while the smell of cigarette smoke would confuse some zombies, you have a 50 50 chance that your particular attacker was once a smoker and if anything wants to eat your brains even more to get that juicy nicotine fix.
5. When it gets cold you'll need fire to keep warm so what about that smoke?
~This wasn't really a counterpoint so much as a good point. The smell of a regular fire may draw in more zombies, but I'm not so sure. As above, I think the scent of cigarettes would have more meaning to most zombies than the scent of a fire, in a time when there will probably be many fires burning from when gas lines go and houses go up in flame.
So that is why I think you're all mistaken.
Prove me wrong.
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no subject
Date: 2006-09-28 07:05 pm (UTC)Well I don't care if people don't care, but some should care to carry lighters, is all I'm saying. ;)
By the way, go check out my pretty pictures. I am need of comment candy.
no subject
Date: 2006-09-28 07:09 pm (UTC)I'm going to correct that now. :)
I will look at the pictures soon and comment, promise.
L'il Help...
Date: 2006-09-28 09:34 pm (UTC)2- The same could be said with a fat chick going after a bar of chocolate.
((<-- is a fat chick, werd to my homies, yo.)) Common sense and reason is going to prevail over a nic or choco-fit. Now... someone hopped up on PCP might make it through to get his next dose, but again- is this whom we want to encourage repopulating the world?
3- Fat people= high cholesterol, difficult to chew... Assuming Zombies aren't that health conscious, we'd also be the more difficult quarry. We weren't outside JOGGING when zombie shit went down, yo. We were hidden safely away on the computer. In fact- we were blogging your demise as it was happening right outside our window. Then we went to eat Ho-Ho's and play XBox, hunkered down and barracaded in... til the cable went out. :P
4- Scent trail. A smoker would smell like juicy roasted meat. At least their lungs would... Additionally, if zombies are attracted to sudden movement and light, lighting a cigarette would spell your doom.
5- Duh- hello... you don't SMOKE to stay warm during a horror flick. You have sex. Lusty, ravenous, mind-blowing sex.
Re: L'il Help...
Date: 2006-09-29 03:26 am (UTC)And then you die, of course.
:)
Re: L'il Help...
Date: 2006-09-29 04:47 am (UTC)But c'mon, die smoking or screwing... ?
I'll take the latter every time.
besides, a girl can run a lot faster with her dress up than a guy can with his pants down- just outrun your mate and you're set!
no subject
Date: 2006-09-28 11:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-29 03:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-29 09:49 am (UTC)To begin, you took several people's comments and compiled them in to one large rebutal. I will try to address each one, even though I agree with you a bit on some.
Lighting a zombie on fire really only causes you to have an angry (as angry as they can get I suppose), flaming zombie that's still going to try to kill you
A) Yes, it is not a very effective way of killing a zombie, unless of course you can heat the brain to a point of cooking or rupturing from steam. However, having a BIC lighter is not really a strong argument for smoking. Having a lighter is just a matter of aforethought, or convenience. Also, who the F is gonna run up to Zack and light his shirt tails with a BIC? This is not a valid reason for smoking.
They're snappy, sure, but they're jittery, jumpy, less likely to make good decisions.
To begin, you took several people's comments and compiled them in to one large rebutal. I will try to address each one, even though I agree with you a bit on some.
<i>Lighting a zombie on fire really only causes you to have an angry (as angry as they can get I suppose), flaming zombie that's still going to try to kill you</i>
A) Yes, it is not a very effective way of killing a zombie, unless of course you can heat the brain to a point of cooking or rupturing from steam. However, having a BIC lighter is not really a strong argument for smoking. Having a lighter is just a matter of aforethought, or convenience. Also, who the F is gonna run up to Zack and light his shirt tails with a BIC? This is not a valid reason for smoking.
<i>They're snappy, sure, but they're jittery, jumpy, less likely to make good decisions.<i?
Fargo, I'm assuming you've never been a smoker. Tobacco is not crack. Nor is it heroin. I've never stabbed a hooker in the eye with a bottle neck, stolen a car and held up a 7 Eleven, or pawned my power tools for a pack of smokes. I have gotten frustrated, irritable, and hungry...but I don't run around screaming "Zwooba zwooba zwooba!" until I get my fix. The argument was more one of determination. The one of willingness to go an extra mile (pun intended) to find more smokes. I will expound on the benefits of this further down.
<i>As a fat person, just let me say: I hate you.</i>
Funny? Yes. Accurate? Yes. Smoking reduces your craving for food and dampens your digestion. Most smokers gain 15-30 pounds when they quit. SMoking does keep you skinnier. And hate as you will, it's true. I need not out run Zombies. I need to out run you.
<i>In some cases, I agree, but if we study zombie lore then we know that some brain functions, like basic memory and minor cognitive abilities, remain behind.</i>
A)I disagree with this point as a generality. I don't believe that they retain basic memory. Personally, I think Bub using hand gun and saluting the good doctor is an atrocity to the science of Zombieoligy (I made that up). Personally, I believe the process of reanimation changes you entirely, into a new species. Kind of a 2 hour evolution. I do not believe that things once remmebered like your route home from work, how to use a coffee maker, or even the smell of burning tobacco will stay with them.
B)After the Great Panic, most of the rural areas will probably be burned, if not burning. Large piles of corpses will most likely also be burned out of fear of re-animation. After the electricity stops, everyone will be burning fires for warmth, for light, for protection. I wonder if smoke from a cigarette will even be a dicernable odor amongst the piles of garbage, fires, and rotting corpses.
C)We are also making the assumption that Zacks can distinguish between odors. Perhaps they can smell only us. Perhaps they are like dogs and can pick out 1 part human flesh per million. In which case no amount of tobacco, perfume, or salami will help to hide us. But it wont hamper us either.
Continued below...
no subject
Date: 2006-09-29 09:49 am (UTC)I think I addressed this above.
Comments:
Additionally, if zombies are attracted to sudden movement and light, lighting a cigarette would spell your doom.
So would the muzzle flash of a gun shot. Even a silenced one. So would running. So would cooking dinner. So would anything you do except for cowering in a corner. Just like any other movement I would make, lighting a smoke would be done after ensuring it is safe to do so.
If you smoke,at some point you will run out of smokes,or you will need a light.This will force you to go out in search of same.Going out is always bad.
I can not disagree with this more. I will not sit in my house built of stucco (Sheetrock, styrofoam, tar paper, chicken wire, cement spray) which I can put my foot through, and wait for the end to come get me. They call it a big out bag, not a bug in bag. I am fully prepared for an evacuation. I am ready to loot the local Wal-Mart ('cause I have refused to give them any of my money for 5 years, so why start after Z-Day?), pack it up in my car, and spend as long as it takes in the Coconino and Tonto National Forrests, surviving until something better comes along. The 400 foot drop off of the Mogollon Rim is a Highly Defendable Area. My 1500 square foot house, is not....oh, and if Wal-Mart ran out of smokes, there are plenty of 7-Elevens between here and there.
Finally, my strongest argument for smoking after Z-Day is this. A crutch. Somthing to fall back on. Something that makes you remember you are human. Something that takes the pain away a little. Something to look forward to at the end of the night. Seriously, when all shit has hit the fan Zack is knocking at your door, do you really want to hear "You really shouldn't smoke. It's not good for you!"? No. No you don't. And hey, lung cancer has to be better than scirosis of the liver, right?
And I'll leave you with my new favorite saying:
Go ahead and stock food. I'm stocking ammo. WHen I get hungry, I'll come take yours.
no subject
Date: 2006-09-29 10:29 am (UTC)And yes, stocking ammo is a great idea - but killing/threatening people for their food? I realize, I think, that you're not 100% serious there, but a thing to think on is the more people you have armed the more likely you are to have people watching your back. Save all the survivors you can, teach them, and arm them. Every person might have a valuable skill.
Of course, some people? Yeah, I know you've come across them. You just can't trust them with a gun. Start them with a farming implement and have them work their way up. :)
no subject
Date: 2006-09-29 03:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-29 07:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-29 08:47 pm (UTC)