This Is My Life

Yesterday was crap.

Don't worry, it gets better.

I woke up in a pissy mood, and didn't know why. The fact that I didn't know why I was in such a bad mood only compounded the problem since I try to be conscious of my state-of-being at all times. It was my birthday and I figured I should be feeling pretty good, ready to have some fun and revvin' the engines for the day. Everyone should be happy for their birthday, right? Focusing on how I should be feeling, versus what I was feeling also helped the down-turn in my mood.

We, my wife and I, went out and ate a rather mediocre breakfast. We were going to go to a new restaurant, but the line wound through the aisles. People were standing in line so long I swear I saw an 80 year old man swipe a slice of toast from a table of young people, just so he would live long enough to make it to his table. Instead of staying and waiting in line we went to, well, I don't want to name the place but suffice it to say we expected mediocre food, and got what exactly what we thought we would.

That's sort of the way the day progressed. I kept feeling worse without knowing why, which frustrated Maria, which pushed me even deeper into the angry frustration and depression I was feeling. It wasn't a good cycle.

So, before dinner I ranted. On the drive to Outback Steakhouse, I let it all out. I complained, I bitched, I moaned. Before I knew it, I was complaining about things I didn't know were wrong, things that my subconscious knew were a problem, but didn't feel like sharing with the part of my brain that can actually act on the issues.

Dinner was nice. The food and service were, again, mediocre, but despite and the fact that I was feeling a little out of it due to having a day of feeling relatively unstable, it was nice. I felt better, less preoccupied, because now I explained what was wrong (essentially I wanted my birthday to make me feel like a "pretty pretty princess," when in reality it was just sort of like every other day but with going out to eat thrown in, plus letting out some other crap that was floating around in my brain), both to Maria, and to myself. That was a huge relief.

The night ended watching a movie and relaxing on the couch. I had some cake, we got a new sound system for the computer, and life was good. A bit of the mood still lingers, but that's just the hangers-on of any bad mood that can stay with you for about up to 24 hours if you don't shake them. They're moving away. I'm doing better. Reading the "happy birthday" notes left by folks on LJ Idol and my Facebook is helping.

Maria said she didn't realize I wanted anything special, that to her birthdays are pretty much just another day, but with presents. Now that she knows I want something more, she says next year, my 30th, is going to be so kick ass that she needs to start planning it now.

Of course, I'm expecting a "reverse surprise birthday party." That's where you build up the expectation so high, get the person as excited as possible, and then do absolutely nothing. Came up with that on my own. What do you think? Know anyone you want to throw a reverse surprise birthday party for? Who? Why?